I wonder to myself, am i doing the right thing..

Yes and No.

When Grandpa was admitted to a hospital, mom totally freak out and the following night she flew back leaving everything behind for me to take care off.

Dad called me if i can come back for a few days, i took this situation too lightly...

my fault.. i could have went back right after exam, but in my though i believe that grandpa will make it through in no time

Mom told me to continue with what I'm suppose to do now, i know from her voice she want me with her, even if my 2 brothers are there, she needed me. I feel the guiltiness but i have also another responsibly in hand…

when it was day 0, Billy called and say he ”he is gone…..”

the 1st thing that went into my head is how is mom, grandma? what is the situation like now… what am i suppose to do? Is he really gone?

and i lose it, right there i broke into tears…i called mom to confirm the situation, and she say “Don’t worry, he went peacefully, no pain at all although he lose a lot of weight during this 2 week, he is no longer in pain… don’t cry he dun want you to just give up what ever you are doing right now, you are like him, when you do something you gave your best, learn from it .. now you focus and try your best not to think about it for now ok”

I could not say a word, i was trembling, but i pull myself together as much as i can…

I will admit,i was effected by this situation, i try to concentrate not to think about it but from time to time i space out…

If i am not wrong i hear from one of the helper that there is one freshie whose grandparent has pass away.. in my heart i was saying “  Mine too, why am i here,what am i doing ?”

I want to finish this camp , i want to prove to him that what i am doing is not going to go to waste, at least this is what i can do…i will give it all even if i make mistakes along the way.

Till now i dun dare to say a word about it, i am scared i make anyone cry, when received a  hug someone, i already feel like crying… i need that shoulder… so weak all of a sudden…

I am proud of everyone and i appreciated those who help out in the camp, thanks for your words  e.g. “is ok we will help you, we will pull it through, smile”  it really was the strength for me to carry on and not to just leave and run away.

From this camp i know another side of myself.. i heard alot of “ feedbacks” about myself, things i will work on to change.. but any good feedbacks?

Did i do well or did i fail  ? i don’t dare to ask now… i am scared

I need a break take my mind off it now, i want to focus on my PROJECTS NOW!!!

back to work again..

need to find my courage,strength & true friends